K, so it WASN'T written by Darin Morgan....
Story by my hero,the great and wonderful Neil Y, outline assistance by the equally wonderful and multi talented Crunchy Frog, with hormonal input by gizzie.
It is mid-March, and Mulder and Scully are assigned to investigate a series of bizarre murders in South Boston, all regulars of the Limerick Tavern. One has been drowned in green beer, one run through by a shilaleigh, one found face down in a vat of Mulligan Stew, and one suffocated by having three pounds of shamrocks shoved down his throat and up his nose. Mulder suspects an Irish connection, waxing poetic on the legends of the Little People, Scully eye-brow arches the fact that the legends are often mischievous, but not violent, SHE should know,with her heritage--Mulder makes short jokes and Scully gets pissed.
Patrick O'Conner is a four foot tall real estate developer, who specialises in developing undisturbed coastline into international resorts. His latest site is an area of the eastern Massachusettes shore. O'Conner is also a Leprechaun, and his powers are fading, as he has been seperated form his pot of gold for almost twenty five years.
He buried it for safe keeping behind the Limerick Tavern on St Patricks Day, 1972, and he must find it before the twenty five years are up, or he will lose his powers and no longer be able to work his deals.
Mulder and Scully are aided in their searchings by Moira Kelty, a Private Investigator. She tells Mulder that she is violently opposed to the land development, and wants to conserve what is left of the rustic beauty of old Massachusettes. What she does NOT tell him is that she is an elf, and the real reason she does not want the land disturbed is that the Oak grove pegged for development by O'Conner is her elfhame. In a battle of wills, she and O'Conner engage in a magical bout of auras, where , in the heart of anger, Moira TOSSES back her lush red tresses, revealing that she has pointy ears. Mulder immediatly asumes she is alien, after all, who believes in elves?? Kelty zaps Mulder with a bit of the old glamorie spell, and Mulder WANTS TO BELIEVE!
Meantime, Scully is trying to link the clues by consulting a professor of Celtic Studies at Harvard, one Dolmen McStraun. He is dark and brooding and hunk-a-hunk-a, and Scully is totally bewitched. Our Scully, succumbing to baser instincts. Ahhh, McStaun is a Druid Bard, and quite good at his trade.
Scully and McStraun return to the limerick, where Mulder is confronted with a special investigator , the lithsome and still magically delicious Phoebe Green, who is ALSO the ex-girlfriend of McStraun. Kelty is apoprehensive about McStraun, but with all the hormones in the air, Mulder shrugs it off to jealousy. Scully, also, is jealous of the beauteous Kelty, and her obvious charming of Mulder, and then there's this OTHER bitch to contend with. Phoebe and Scully dance an erotic and combatitive Pipe dance, with much whooping and swinging of skirts. Mulder returns to his room and YANKS off his sweater, writing bare chested and bespectecled in his field journal. He is TRYING to get a sober perspective, and returns to the pub, where he finds O'Conner digging through the floor in the back room. It turns out an addition has been built over the spot where he buried his pot of gold.
Kelty rushes to Mulders aid by casting of spells, the confrontation moves into the bar and in a giant magic battle, O'Conner and Kelty fight to a stand still in front of a spell-frozen Mulder and Scully. McStraun attacks O'Conner, and using superhuman strength, kills him by throwing him across the bar. Kelty releases Mulder and Scully from their trance, McStraun has disappeared,and Kelty is baffled as to why the Bard did not employ his own magic.
McStraun has returned to the university, and as he enters his small office, we see the ominlus cloud of smoke and the half spent Morley. CSM is sitting in McSfraun's office chair, at ease as usual, and is nonplussed as McStraun morphs into the Bounty Hunter. The Bounty Hunter tells CSM that his misssion is accomplished, and there will be no resort built on the waterfront propeerty, so the secret underwater hanger fior retrofitted UFO's is still safe.
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So there.
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