(yeah.... but I'm no Autumn or Sarah or Paula, either....am I?)
Tails....you lose. What an ass.......
Mulder wants to investigate the birth of five babies with tails in the same small town,
Scully is suspicious that Mulder suspects an alien connection, but it turns out, it's just
a nut case, a woman with a pig's voice who believes she's been had by Luke Skywalker.
Mulder, however, who can BELIEVE in fluke men and flying saucers and ghosts in the
machine, can't swallow THIS and makes the first of many FACE as he exits almost laughing.
Scully makes the connection that all the mothers had the same OB GYN, and suspects he may
have put his OWN little eggs in more than one BOX,but then they go to the Obie Office,
where Mulder picks the right door, Monty, and finds a guy with poorly fitting pants and a
visible tail scar. The question still remains, How did he SLIP IT TO THEM??? Answer: as he
is being processed, Tailman Eddie MORPHS into the cop/clerk and gets away.
M&S go to Eddie's Father (wasn't that a TV show??), who they find is the original Tailman, he wants to show it to them, Mulder wants to see, Scully doesn't, men are ALWAYS more interested in tail than women. PapaTail goofs when he calls Mulder by name, and Mulder realizes he never TOLD him his name, so he must BE Eddie. Mulder chases him outside, where there are, of course, six men who ALL could be Eddie, one of which, I believe, is the writer of this little TAIL, and Mulder gives up, goes back inside, where the REAL mummified father falls out of the attic, quite dead. Eddie bails into a neighbors house, morphs into the husband, and it just happens to be the home of one of his conquests. He ducks into their bathroom, and emerges , now as MULDER, doing a fairly cool Clint Eastwood impersonation, but he definitly should ditch the green shirt.
Scully is orgasmic with joy as she dons her plastic face shield and fires up the electric bone saw, she has a PERFECTLY preserved manwithatail to analyze, and Mulder, of course, breaks the tail off and, as Scully explains that this suy has strange movable muscle tissue, Mulder FACEs his way out of the autopsy bay, where he heads for the hospital to requestion Mrs Skywalker wannabe. He shows her a picture of Eddie, and she pokes fun at the loser the guy was in high school. Mulder is sympathetic for Eddie, we think maybe HE was a geek as well, look, when he smiles at her, he kinda LOOKS like that picture of Eddie, doesn't he?? Mulder gives her a flower as congratulations on her wierd kid, and goes into the hallway, but --LOOKIE HERE!!!!--- MULDER is at the desk!!! It was EDDIE all along, and now that we KNOW, we SHOULDA known, you know??? Edder hides and watches as the REAL Mulder goes into the room and questions his hearts desire, and then Mulder the Real goes to the hospital locker room, where he handcuffs two of the wrong men, and Edder falls out of the ceiling.
Scully arrives to find a whining Mulder apologising to the locals, and backing off the case, which clues us in that this is Edder,even before he says "small potatoes". The REAL Mulder is locked inthe basement pipe room, but he has some Perk pop to soothe his throat, if he evers stops screaming for help. Scully and Edder return to Washington in another one of those beam-us-there time frames, and Edder fidgets in Skinner's office, then questions Scully on her plans for a Friday night. That's our girl, doing research. Eder has a hard time gaining access to Mulder's office, but Scully is too turned on by the thoughts of her upcoming exciting evening to notice, she takes off for Quantico and a rendevous with a research tome, and Edder gets into the office, where he starts to realize this guy is maybe NOT so wonderful as he near-falls out of this chair, and contemplates the fine decor. He then goes to Mulder's apartment, where he finds more evidence that this FINE LOOKING man is maybe a geek in Armani, but,never being one to miss an oppurtunity, he goes to Scully's, where, midst wine and firelight, HE gets St Scully to close her books and open her.....
Not really, but she IS taken by this NEW SIDE of "Mulder", and Edder, no fool him, pulls out the Mulder puppy face and angst-remarks how things COULD be diffrent. Scully goes from 0 to 60 in three emotional seconds, and SHEEE WAAAAANTS HIIIIIM!!!! as Edder moves in to suck her ripe, lush lips, we hold our breaths and clutch our parts and POOOWW!!!!---Mulder BURSTS through the door, Scully realizes she almost been had and LEAPS off the couch, Edder turns back into Eddie, Mulder looks horrified-shocked-pissed, and as the scene fades, that sound you hear is the pounding of feet as fanfic writers scurry to their PC's, because if ANY scene ever cried out for a CLIMAX, it's THIS one....
One month later, Mulder is at the psycho-jail, where Eddie tells him he is a loser by choice, and he should treat himself. Mulder is facing again as Scully tells him he is NOT a loser, but Mulder is still angsty as he says he is also no Eddie, either...and the sound of firing modems fills the air.......
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXgizzieXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(yeah.... but I'm no Autumn or Sarah or Paula, either....am I?)