"There's a voice callin', in the night--tellin' me that I still just might...be a kook..."

OK, so this guy gets his final divorce granted, and he uses a cigarette to burn his own face out of the family photo (*I* did this myself with my last portrait from Sears...), then he goes and gets a tattoo, the ONE HE DESERVES. Yeah, everyone deserves a smartass tattoo. But at least SOMEONE is talking to this loser.

Mulder and Scully are at the Vietnam War Wall, slap-us-in-the-face with symbolism here, as Scully REFLECTS on stuff, and pretty much ignores Mulder. Back at the ranch, Mulder gets smart-assey rude when Scully questions her place in HIS office, she doesn't feel like her life is going anywhere, and she tells him his theory on his contact sounds like an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Mulder brushes her off by making a reference to "Moose and Squirrel" (and all hell breaks loose on ATXF), and sends Scully off like a good little puppy to Philadelphia, while he takes a forced vacation where he hopes to find something out about himself. Like he's a jerk, maybe??

This poor sap with the blue-eyed babe on his arm is REALLY having a rough go of it, the damn tattoo is calling him names,and WINKING at him,and it sounds JUST like that trashy bimbo from "The Accused", except every other word out of it's mouth is not "fuck". It convinces him that his downstairs neighbor is evil, so he goes and throws her in the incinerator. I shudder to think what he would have done if she had been listening to Bobby Sherman, instead of David Cassidy ("Hey, pretty woman, please make up your mind....")

Scully has arrived in Philadelphia, where she trails her assigned guy to the tattoo parlor, where the hunky tatooed guy is trying to tell the artist that his tattoo is possesed. Yeah, right. Scully, who has ALWAYS been attracted to nut cases, takes this guys phone number. Mulder calls her from GRACELAND, and gives her grief about the case and she blows him off. He shittily, jealously asks her if she has a DATE???, and Scully, nyeh-nyeh, calls Ed. Now the tattoo is REALLY PISSED, and calls him a loser, and says "bitch" a lot, so Ed fixes HER ass, and burns her face with his cigarette. Meantime, Scully comes to his apartment, SEES the picture with the face burned out, but does she LEAVE?? No. She goes to a bar with him. They talk about life, love and tattoos, and Ed convinces Scully to "get your OWN"
And does she EVER.

She picks the FOX LOGO, and they put it on her ASS!!!! No, wait, it's the "Millennium" logo,and they put it symbolically where Mulder always touches her, on the small of her back, so now, he can touch HER snake, while SHE touches....never mind. Anyway, with this much panting and gasping, I am sure this is the best Scully has had for a while, and a glassy-eyed Ed takes her back to his apartment, just so she is SAFE, mind you. Scully sees that his arm is BURNED, but she still doesn't cut and run, in fact, he GRABS her, and she looks scared/excited, hey, Scully, your life is certainly going somewhere NOW...and here comes the "3" ambiguity for our Scully...Ed twists her around, we don't SEE anything,not even a KISS, and the next morning,they are clothed and in seperate rooms....*I* think they did the horizontal rhumba during the commercial break, but my opinion is not popular, oh, no, OUR Scully would not DO that, but she WOULD answer the door of a strangers apartment and convince the police that she is an upstanding law enforcement officer herself, even though she's NOT WEARING ANY PANTS.

So, the police give her ALL the info they have on the blood samples found in Ed's neighbors apartment, because she has an honest face (and GREAT legs), and she takes the goobleygoop science stuff, and hooks up to the fastest modem in history on the computer Ed just happens to have in this flea-bag apartment, and finds out that the dye used in their tattoos causes auditory hallucinations. Hmm. And by the way, her tattoo looks GREAT, it's not scaley or anything, this really IS la-la land. Anyway, she FACES scared,and calls Mulder, but hangs up just as he worried-FACE lunges for the phone...given a choice, she opts for the voice in her head, instead of the whiner in her office. Ed comes back and she tells him they are fucked (kinda), and he KNOWS his tattoo hates women and makes him do BAD stuff, but, paranoid that HE is, he back-traces her call, and when the FBI confirms his request for Dana Scully, he thinks he's been had AGAIN, so he goes after Scully, who has gone into the BATHROOM to change, so STUPID, Ed slams her up against a door, drags her to the basement to make BBQ Scully...but Scully, with that Voice Of Reason, talks him DOWN, and he fries his arm and cooks the tattoo RIGHT off.

Pan up on FBI tight-ass Scully, scrubbed, suited,coiffed and stone faced. Mulder babbles on and on and ON to get SOME reaction, and finally breaks off, pout-faced confused, as Scully tells him, more or less, to quit fucking with her life. Mulder says "But, it's mmmm...." , and looks angst-faced at the ceiling, while Scully freezes North America with her look.

So?? What WAS he going to say?? "But it's ME that's your life, Scully!!! Me, ME, MEEEEE!!!!"???

Ahhhhh.....a 'shipper is born........